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Who's Pushing Your Buttons? | 
 enlarge | Author: John Townsend
Publisher: Thomas Nelson
Category: Book
List Price: $21.99
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Rating:  7 reviews
Sales Rank: 286935
Media: Hardcover
Pages: 240
Number Of Items: 1
Shipping Weight (lbs): 0.9
Dimensions (in): 9.2 x 6.1 x 0.7
ISBN: 1591450101
Dewey Decimal Number: 248.4
EAN: 9781591450108
ASIN: 1591450101
Publication Date: July 13, 2004
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Product Description
Making the change that helps
to change the difficult
Person in your life Button-pushers come in all shapes and sizes, but they have one thing in common: Their behavior drives us crazy and make us dream of ways to escape the mess we're in. The person who pushes your buttons is likely someone who matters to you--a spouse, a parent, a boss, a fellow church member. Almost always this difficult person is connected to you by blood, love, faith, or money, so you can't just end the relationship without causing pain and upheaval in your life. Our friends and today's culture will often advise us to abandon such relationships quickly--to end this unpleasant chapter and get on with our lives. Psychologist and author Dr. John Townsend disagrees. "Your button-pusher is not someone you would easily and casually leave. You are intertwined at many levels. It is worth the trouble to take a look at the ways the relationship you had, and want, can be revived and reborn." In this easy-to-read book he offers
- Expert insights to help you understand your own button-pusher
- Wise assistance in determining the nature of the problem
- Compassionate help in identifying your failed attempts to fix things
- A hope-filled vision for what can be and how to make it come true
- Rich resources to help you navigate the necessary changes This revolutionary book comes from the pen of a professional who is equally at home in the counseling office, consulting with organizations or speaking at conferences. It gives you the tools not only to understand your trying situation, but also to learn how to influence that difficult person in your life to change in positive ways, while you change and grow as well.
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| Customer Reviews:
 Hope in Troubled Times December 23, 2008
Rebecca Johnson (Washington State)
"Who's Pushing Your Buttons" is one of the best books I've ever read on conflict resolution. This is a really useful book that helps you to take charge in very difficult situations. It is encouraging to know that your relationship with someone difficult is not completely hopeless.
Dr. John Townsend begins this book by presenting the reasons someone in your life is a button-pusher. The first chapter analyzes the problems you may be encountering or at least it explains the reasons people are button-pushers.
In a way, this book is as much about working on yourself as it is about getting another person to change. Most of the book deals with issues you can handle yourself, like getting a life vs. being obsessive about a troublesome relationship. As you work on yourself the situation can start to change. Simply by spending more time away from the problem it can get better. That is just the start of how to deal with problems. Dr. John Townsend has quite a few good solutions that involve setting boundaries and at times withdrawing from difficult people. This seemed to work well with relatives that were out of control.
Most of the advice in this book seems to work well within a marriage relationship. My husband and I take turns being each other's button pushers. He thinks I talk too much about certain subjects (I analyze a lot) and I think he talks too little about subjects important to me. So there are some topics we just have to avoid. That was something that wasn't addressed in the book - avoidance of dangerous topics that cause anger.
This book is much more in favor of taking the bull by the horns. For lasting change and a peaceful relationship sometimes you have to make difficult decisions that could cause a temporary loss of comfort. While this book doesn't advocate a total separation I think that might be useful in some relationships. The author believes there is hope for everyone but does believe you should get help if your relationship has turned violent.
So if you are in a relationship where someone is driving you crazy you might just have a button-pusher on your hands. According to this book, there is hope and you have more control over the situation than you realize. I can highly recommend this book to anyone struggling in an abusive relationship. The ideas in this book will help you with relatives, friends, work associates and marriage partners. It is great to know that you can turn any relationship around with God's help and a bit of wisdom and persistence.
I've found that reading relationship books and trying to practice unconditional love has been what keeps my marriage together. Each book I read gives me new ideas and I try to put them into practice as soon as possible. I have noticed that as I change myself and try to be a better person, my relationship with my husband and family is better. So I really agree with the author's ideas of working on yourself first so you can be a good example of how to live out the Christian life. I'm not perfect but thirteen years of marriage has made me a better person. So it is worth sticking it out during troubled times. Here are a few more items I've found to be very helpful:
Cracking the Communication Code: The Secret to Speaking Your Mate's Language
How to Get Your Husband to Talk to You
The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate
Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs
For Women Only: What You Need to Know about the Inner Lives of Men
The New Physics of Love: The Power of Mind & Spirit in Relationships (Six Cassettes and Study Guide Box Set)
Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex
~The Rebecca Review
Great practical advice March 26, 2008
Kelly M. Stacks (Winston Salem, NC)
1 out of 1 found this review helpful
This is a great practical advice book! Easy to read. I highlighted a number of parts and have already passed it on to a family member.
 Who's Pushing Your Buttons December 21, 2007
Karen Olness Torjesen (MN)
0 out of 1 found this review helpful
I purchased this book on the basis of a radio interview with the author which I heard. The book was interesting but not as useful as I had hoped. It has an element of inflexibility that weakens it.
Just a word of caution... December 27, 2005
Queen Mo
7 out of 28 found this review helpful
While I find this a pretty good book, and appreciate the approach the author takes, I really was a bit unnerved by the constant quoting of scripture and references to Jesus. If you do not belive in Jesus, or sin or heaven/hell and...I was really put off by suggesting that one reason your button pusher does what he does may be due, in part, to demonic forces.
I wish that I had known the strong Christian slant of this book before I purchased it. I am not Christian, and I am not comfortable with the constant bible thumping. But there are some sound ideas and suggestions.
I had to...as the saying goes, "Take what I want and leave the rest." Some might not be a great match for this book base on what I found.
Good Solid Help , but be warned you may find that YOU are a button pusher December 6, 2005
Todd Sullivan (Mount Vernon, WA)
15 out of 16 found this review helpful
I bought this book because I needed some support in dealing with a couple button pushers in my life and was not disappointed in this books teaching. In this book Dr. John Townsend explains that dealing with a button pusher takes a plan and that leaving is not an option in a love relationship, in fact he states boldly that leaving is for wimps.
This book has opened my eyes to may things here are a few
1- We must not be dependant on the person, we can live with and love a difficult person and still change and grow ourselves
2- That we must set boundaries and consequences and those consequences must be appropriate.
3- Even though I focus on the other persons attitudes towards me, what is it about me that draw's out those attitudes in others, how do I push buttons as well.
4- God is ultimately in charge and although it may look like the other person is not learning anything or having to deal with the nasty behavior, all people pay for their actions one way or the other and you cant run from God and he will in fact make things more difficult on the person in order for them to repent and return to him.
Although this book is no landmark on the subject it does offer solid ideas and help on a difficult subject and I would recommend it to anyone trying to get a grasp on living in a difficult relationship.
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